The Update I wrote on Previous Blog

No. I am not wiping the slate clean. I am nowhere near forgiving or forgetting. I do not think I will EVER be able to forgive what she has done to me and my family. My dad said he did not expect me to forgive or to not hate her. I am thankful he can understand that atleast.

I own this url. And I will own it until I choose not to own it. Just as my dad does not want to be controlled by the threat of my rage when I hear her name or am faced with him seeing her or mentioning her, I do not want to be controlled by anyone telling me to take this blog down 'cause "it's not right." Well, a lot of things aren't right in this world. My dad's affair isn't right to me. But nothing has stopped it from continuing.

Not everyone can get their way. I'm sure my dad would prefer me to not have the blog at all. But to that I will say: too bad. Sorry. I don't want a lot of things concerning him as well.

Therefore, the only compromise I can offer is what I have done thusfar. I have moved my content to my own personal blog of a different name: http://thesickaffair.blogspot.com/
This is where I will vent my feelings of what has happened to me in the past 4 years regarding this situation. All the comments are still there, and most of the content is exactly the same. This is where I will continue where I left off.

Friends who have been following along. Thank you for all of your kind emails of support. Thank you also to the friends who have tried to give me a different perspective than my own regarding this affair. I do not believe in censorship, and hate the fact that I am compromising in a way.

I just want to live in semi-peace with my father. I love him. I hate him. I love him. I was born from him. I am his first daughter. I don't want him to be my enemy. I've told him that time and time again. The screaming matches I had with a man I didn't recognize. The screaming matches he had with a daughter he didn't recognize...were utterly damaging to my soul, and painful to my heart. We both will never forget the brutality of our fight. We ripped each other apart. Limbs, hearts, souls, blood on the floor. That's what i would equate it to as far as fights go. A battle with no winner.

I had a lot of pent up emotions and anger and resentment that I had been building up, stewing within me for 4 years...it manifested itself in the starting of the blog while my dad was with her in the middle of the night. Like a pot brimming, brewing, then after four years, finally boiling over.

4 Years of pain for me to the 4 days the blog was online. Some may think me incredibly cruel for the blog, but I think when you look back at that ratio, you can see why it is hard for me to let go, and why so much vengefulness and anger came out onto the blog.

I cannot guarantee anything. I can't guarantee that a year from now or 2 yrs from now...the vitriol and the anger won't come up again and I won't lash out here. or worse. Anything is possible in the future. I have no control over what my dad chooses to do. Or what ming chooses to do. And they will not have a choice of how I might react.

I cannot guarantee I won't fulfill the promise I made to my dad about utilizing every legal means necessary to destroy her livelihood and reputation after he dies.

I cannot guarantee that I won't one day truly let this all go and not find any of it necessary at all. Like my dad says, maybe when I am 60, I will understand more. And I will have changed.

All I can do is do what i've done so far to this point.

That is all he can ask of me.

This post too will be deleted soon.

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