2009

It's a new year.

My father and I got into an argument in the airport before we said goodbye to each other. He later tracked me down in the terminal to make peace. It's not good to have grudges or bad blood - especially if one of our planes had happened to crash.

I was so angry I wrote a very pretty post in the airport free-internet booth. But after he tracked me down, I figured I would delete the post.

My dad thinks I haven't accepted his affair. It's not the case. I have accepted it. Just as I accept that there will be wars on this earth. People killing, maiming, harming other people. Famine, suicide, depression, homicide. I've accepted that these have occurred before my time here, occur during my time here, and will continue to occur after my time here.

I accept atrocities which occur in this world. Doesn't mean I have to approve of it. I do not approve. But I accept I do not have control over things I do not agree with. I don't have control over what he chooses to do with his life, or how he chooses to lead it, or whom he chooses to live his life with.

Doesn't mean I agree with it, doesn't mean I won't continue to voice my disapproval.

The truth is, they deserve each other. They both seem to have the uncanny knack of justifying anything to themselves. Justify, rationalize etc. The truth is, his family has shunned him so..
he truly HAS no one else he can turn to. Who else will care for him when he is old?

They are from the same cloth. They understand each other. So they can be together.

My mother, my extended family, we are of the same cloth. And so we will stay together and be together. We will take care of each other.

I don't understand the relationship they have together..
From my perspective, it cannot be more clear that ming has a very low self esteem.
Women who go after married men are quintessentially that- women of low self esteem.
I keep wondering if she has been sexually abused, or if her divorce left her with such low self worth, or if she herself is a child of divorce...

My dad says none of this is the case. I guess she is an anomoly to me then. The truth is, I don't know her. I only know her actions. You can merely judge a person based on their actions, not the words they choose to say, or the words they choose to make profit from.

Walk the walk if you want to talk the talk, I always say.

Luckily for me, I do not pretend to be pure or a DAYMAKER. I don't profit off of "positive psychology" or think myself worthy enough to legitimately say to a roomful of ppl, "let me coach you into a more positive work environment."

"let me show you the way" of making a positive ripple effect! YAY!!!!!! Let me sell some books about this too! yipee!!!

No. I readily admit my faults. I readily admit I am not that way. I think I am much further along the self actualization and moral scale than my father and ming. they are way back there on the primitive side of things...touting one thing, pulling another.

Sad, sad it is to me. And so, they should be together.

Nothing will convince me that she has any self worth or dignity whatsoever. Anyone who would like to counter me, can again, feel free to post a comment! : )

I do love my dad, but I must say, I do not love what he does, nor what he has done to this family.

I know his health is horrible, and he needs to rest. I do not think he has more than 10-15 years left. I truly believe he is one lung infection away from death.

I just hope he rests, and can live the remainder of his life in relative peace. And I hope the same for us (me, my mom, my sister, and our extended family) as well.

I hope this year will be better than the last. I think that is everyone's wish.

I accept that there will be many more atrocities in this world. Much pain and suffering will occur in 2009, and after.

However, I do not approve of any of it.

CC